Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

macOS Tahoe's New Theming System Explained - MacRumors

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Why does my cat get anxious during loud noises like thunderstorms or firework displays? Is this a common behavior for cats, and is there a way to help them cope with it?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Who writes and reads novels nowadays?

I was tired of fighting.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Gastroenterologist shares 5 early warning signs of poor liver health: From loss of appetite to dark patches on face - Hindustan Times

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Be who you already are.

I had run out of hope.

Chinese Stocks in Hong Kong Head for Bull Market Before US Talks - Bloomberg

And the sadness?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

You are like me, then.

What’s the worst thing you caught anyone in your family doing?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s still here.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Kanye West Shows Up At Sean 'Diddy' Combs’ Trial—And Quickly Leaves - Forbes

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Android 16's new beta makes changing call settings easier - Android Police

The sadness was still there.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

New Discovery Reveals Hidden Place Where Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals First Met – A Key Moment in Human Evolution - The Daily Galaxy

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.